Tuesday, January 24, 2012

People Pleasing

Scotty Smith:  A Prayer about the “Approval-suck” in All of Us


     We speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts. You know we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask to cover up greed—God is our witness. We were not looking for praise from people, not from you or anyone else. 1 Thess. 2:4-6
Heavenly Father, it’s not just apostles who need freedom from living for the approval of people; it’s all of us—it’s me. There no part of our lives more impacted by the destructive and disintegrating presence of sin than our relationships. We can’t serve people well if our need for affirmation or fear of rejection is greater than our love for you. I need your help in this matter all the time, including today. My anticipation is strong because your faithfulness is great.
As I look at my relational brokenness and sin, I can see how “people pleasing” plays out in two directions. On one hand, there are people to whom I attach my umbilical cord (metaphorically speaking) and look to them for life. Their praise is like an elixir of joy, sometimes more so than the gospel; and their disappointment or rejection can taste like a potion of self-contempt, causing me to withdraw, retaliate or medicate. Nobody deserves that much power over our hearts.
On the other hand, there are people whose umbilical cords I grab and plug into me, assuming the role of life giver. I take too much responsibility for them—spiritually, emotionally and otherwise. But you haven’t called us to be the 4th member of the Trinity in anybody’s life. I grieve both of these patterns, Father.
Because the gospel is true, I can freely confess these things. Because the gospel is powerful, I have hope for change. Because the gospel is entrusted to me, I take this matter very seriously.
Lord Jesus, I don’t want to live as an “approval suck.” I want to love others as you love me—and as you love them. Teach me how to encourage without flattering others. Show me how to give feedback lovingly and receive it non-defensively. It’s because of your life of perfect obedience that I can be free from living as a poser, pretender, and performer. It’s because of your death for us on the cross that I can live with the absolute assurance of God’s everlasting approval and his constant kindness.
Holy Spirit, keep “gossiping the gospel” to my heart. Keep bearing witness with my spirit that I’m a beloved child of Abba, Father. Keep giving me the power to repent of all forms of living for the approval of people, a life-sucking snare indeed. So very Amen I pray, in Jesus’ life-giving and liberating name.

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